For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
