nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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