My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize