so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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