the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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