Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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