I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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