i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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