I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
