just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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