from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize