Your face is a jimmy john
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
