1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
well most of my day revolves around power hour
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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