you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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