Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
