Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
