Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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