If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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