i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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