i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
