cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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