found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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