I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
