My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize