I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
