I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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