Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
