I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize