did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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