how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
