Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
