You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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