i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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