im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
