That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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