I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
