I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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