Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
