gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
