so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
