What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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