We're facebook friends in real life
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
