He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
