He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
