What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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