remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
