I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize