why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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