im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
