a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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