Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
