the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
