so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
