When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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