found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
