so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
