$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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