You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
