Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
