shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this will be a night to untag.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
