I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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