Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
