Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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