i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
