Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
God I need to hump something, right now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
