I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
