Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize